Energy Vampires

Blarney Castle...no vampires here

Energy Vampires are EVERYWHERE! You definitely know at least one. Maybe you even love one. You may even be one! They can even be places that you visit, your job, your family members home, theme parks (that's a big one for me). We throw around big words and phrases such as "narcissism and co-dependency" but the truth of the matter is that these people are really just suffering from vampirism. How do you know or can identify if someone/place currently in your life, or someone coming into your life or even if you yourself are one? It's extremely easy once you adopt and put into practice the tools of self love, boundary setting, and having the ability to say NO.

Do you ever have a person approaching you, a name pops up on your phone, or even just the mention of someone and suddenly you feel exhaustion, agitation, or anxiety? You may also have these feelings going into certain places as well. We are conditioned as a society to believe that we need other people's approval, input, and even their power in order to function in society. When the fact of the matter is that we do not. We need only our own love, approval, input, and power to function at our highest potential. So how do we spot these people in our own life? Some of the key behaviors of an energy vampire are negativity(pessimists), constant complaining, manipulating others, being overly critical and the big one...REFUSING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY/ACCOUNTABILITY FOR ANYTHING! Love bombing is also a form of vampirism, getting your attention through flattery and kind words. Vampires are also drama and attention seekers who are often in the dead center of the drama and always seeking the attention from the situation. A situation they created and are now being victimized by. I call them the arsonist firefighter. They are the people that start the fire so that they can rush to put it out and then tell the story of their heroism. Energy Vampires are extremely self-centered, when they talk it is all about themselves and rarely ask about others. And lastly and I CANNOT stress this enough, they are always, and I mean ALWAYS the victim. I know what you're saying after reading this, "I am surrounded by these people and maybe even sometimes I can be one of these people!" Great news if you are one, it's never too late to change and if you know one (or more) there are ways to protect yourself energetically.

If you have read my last few posts you'll know by now that Janice (my mother) and I no longer have a mother/daughter relationship. For me this is extremely healthy and has given my mind, body, and spirit a much needed rest from the last 40 years of our relationship. Recently though my sister (a very brave soul) decided that she would go through with family counseling with her to try and mend the relationship so that her children could have a grandparent in their lives. After 3 sessions of screaming and going back and forth with a mental health professional Janice has decided that my sister and the counselor have teamed up against her to make her the "bad guy" and she is no longer interested in participating because it is affecting her health negatively. Her poor health is certainly not the fault of her poor diet, no exercise/sedentary lifestyle, or smoking for 40 years. It is her children addressing their trauma with her and trying to heal themselves that is causing a decline in her health. The last session was on establishing boundaries which is when she decided she had had enough and declined to participate further. See any red flags? Which leads me to how can you effectively deal with a vampire?

The first solution is easy, DON'T. Don't engage when you see them coming. Don't answer their calls or texts. Just stop responding or respond from a distance. If this is someone you love keep your answers/responses short and to the point. Let them know you don't really have time to chat about all their issues but you're praying for them or sending good vibes their way so that their problem is resolved soon. Some vampires can be redirected by the way you respond and if there is a response (or if you choose not to) always send loving thoughts and energy their way. They need it the most. If you're in a situation where they approach you and immediately start draining your energy there are several ways to handle this. First, you can leave the situation, politely and with no drama just excuse yourself (it isn't rude at all), cut that energy cord right off. Even make a little scissor "snip snip" as you walk away. Second, is to BREATHE! I love breathing. Breathing is great for everything because it moves the energy through and out of the body. When the vampire starts in with their drama you can cross your arms over your solar plexus (the area above your belly button and below the heart) and when they are done speaking just give a big exhale and say "Wow, that was a lot I just need a minute to breathe". Breathing also cuts the cord. My last solution is my favorite because it is the one that I struggled with the most and have now become very strong in.....setting boundaries. Energy Vampires absolutely cannot stand a boundary! How can you suck someone'e energy when they keep you at an arms length? Boundaries and awareness are protection. Use them often! If you do not, the people in your life that you've identified as vampires will just keep coming because they know they can be fed from your Spirit. They will consume your space and energy if you let them. Lastly, stop oversharing. Of course you can share whatever you are comfortable with but at some point in a story you will reach a point of no return and the vampire will know that you are a target. Keep it short! I still struggle with this every day!

All of this advice only works if you decide that your value is not intrinsically tied to giving others your attention. You do not always have to say yes and listen to be lovable. You are lovable just the way that you are when you operate from the space of the heart. Many of us were raised in a conditional household that required compliance, had a lack of boundaries, and emotionally immature and insecure parents. To be fair your parents were probably raised in a similar household so this is all they know. But, the world is shifting now, the vibration of the planet is raising and that is helping us to recognize these long buried, self defeating patterns that keep us imprisoned in these types of relationships of energy sucks. Summon the warrior spirit in you that says, "I'm out, I'm done, I'd rather be alone than have you around, get out, go away!" Live more authentically and self lovingly. DO NOT CARRY ANYONE! Relationships need to be authentic and balanced to feel safe and loving. Most of our relationships are based on FEAR. We feel that if we don't cater to these people they will punish us, bully us, attack us, or cut us off. Very few relationships are based on mutual love and respect, most likely because we don't love and respect ourselves or TRUST ourselves enough to walk away.

As we ascend to the higher vibrations we no longer need these relationships and we are comfortable not catering to these people or the relationships in our daily lives. When we are living in a higher vibration we get out of the mind (EGO) and into the energy (SPIRIT) of everything that is around us and when you're vibrating on a higher frequency the last place you want to go is down! Next time you're spending time with someone ask yourself "Am I drained or uplifted around this person?" Then take the proper steps to protect your energy. I can promise you this, no one that truly loves you and wants the best for you will leave you. If they do have these vampire tendencies they most likely will have the self awareness to change (if they want to) and be more mindful when they are in your presence. Remember your worth is not tied to someone else's love and approval. It is tied to your own self love and approval.