Circles

Moon over the North Atlantic off the coast of Spain

More specifically inner and outer circles. The biggest change and hardest decisions that I have had to be make over the past year would definitely have to be defining who is in which circle, inner or outer. If you want to be free of the confines that have held you back since you were born it is crucial that you define these in a way that is healthy and makes you feel comfortable at ALL times! You should not have to make yourself uncomfortable (or betray who you know yourself to be) in order to make someone within your inner circle comfortable with who you are and how you show up in the world. EVER!!

For me personally, I find that I have many circles in my life but mostly the people I am around fit into 2 different kinds of circles. My inner circle and my outer circle. Now, I understand that in reading this it would be very easy for one to assume who would be in each circle and what their relationship to myself would be. You'll be surprised to hear that this isn't as straightforward as one would assume looking from the outside in. Growing up we are conditioned to believe that the people in our inner circle should be our family, close friends and people that we have a close connection to and value their opinions and shared morals. Especially family, family should always be in the inner circle. The idea that you're blood, you have to be close is a conditioned belief we have learned through years of programming. Just because someone gave birth to you or you happen to share the same parent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc does not mean these people need to have unfettered access to who you. I, for one, have placed most of those people in the outer circle and some aren't even that high up. For example, my cousins and I whilst we grew up semi-close we rarely speak and some I haven't seen in over 30 years. Why would they be in my inner circle, because we have shared experiences or family members? Parents , brothers, sisters, our grandparents that have varying beliefs on social and political issues that pressure us to believe what they believe also do not belong in the inner circle. People you work with that are disempowering and have an expectation that you'll conform to what they feel is right for you, should be placed in the appropriate circle. Close friends that you have had for a long time that no longer share the same beliefs, values or even the same ideas on basic morality (sometimes in life we grow apart and that is okay). Should they be kept in the inner circle because they were there in high school, college, or one of your first friends as an adult? Absolutely not!

Your inner circle needs to be filled with people that are empowering. They aren't competing with you but on the sidelines cheering you on and celebrating your wins as if they were their own. They want the best for you. They lead with love even when what they have to tell you could feel unloving. You don't feel drained after spending time around them. They have attributes that you aspire to have in your life. They are emotionally evolved and practice healthy boundaries. They love themselves and others unconditionally. This circle can absolutely include your parents or grandparents, friends from high school, brothers and sisters, or even people that you have met in the last year, it just doesn't HAVE to. Always make sure that you're being honest with yourself when you are evaluating who is in the inner circle as research shows who you spend time with is who you become.

I'll end this by saying that if your current inner circle looks like people that are in your family, or that you work with, or people that you spend a great deal of your time in close proximity to and you find yourself to be in unhappy or even depressed then it is time that you evaluate your circle and make a change. Most people are often surrounded by people that fall into these categories and what the research shows is that these people can and will stunt your growth going forward. Holding you back from your highest potential without you even knowing it. The research also shows that we only need 3-5 close relationships to have a happy social life. Our nervous system doesn't yearn for popularity, it yearns for safety, resonance, and connection. Spend time with people that are like-HEARTED and not necessarily like-minded. Constantly and honestly evaluating your circles is crucial to the success of your spiritual growth. A small circle is sacred!!